just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love having hate sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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