She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
