you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
