Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
