i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
