shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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