mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
