I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
