we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
