Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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