We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
