You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
