your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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