I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
