I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
