who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
