Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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