I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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