did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
