i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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