The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
