I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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