what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
