I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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