You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
