so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize