[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
