Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If i come over, it means nothing
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
