***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize