It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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