i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
