Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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