This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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