you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
