redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
