I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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