I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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