I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
