oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
