I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
