you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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