Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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