he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
