She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize