you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
