Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
