I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
