im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
