Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
