she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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