dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
