he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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