Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize