Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
