I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
