My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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