Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
