is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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