Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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