my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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