what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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