I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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