Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
