ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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