I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
