she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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