just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
