If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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