I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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