Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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