My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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