so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
